In love and outdone.

It's been awhile

Listen.
This is a happy occasion.
We should celebrate.
It's a good excuse, so chin up.
I love it when you shine,
because you shine brighter than the moon.


You're warmer than the first step you take in front of the fireplace
in the dead of a Pennsylvania winter, on Christmas.

Hard hearts

Since when did mine become a stone?
When did I lose sight of what mattered most?
Why couldn't I see how special love can be?

Since when did mine become glass?
When did I decide to throw it on the ground?
Why did I think I was untouchable?

Where did I go wrong?
Who do I think I am?

What have I done.

Elephants

I'm fragile and thin for the first time in years.

So it seems the tables have turned.

Irony

We are fickle creatures of habit.

The funny thing is:
Fickle means prone to change.
While being habitual implies the opposite.

This is our great war.

Inconsistencies

Maybe I have faith that it's gonna be okay.
Or maybe I'm just having a good night.

unCommon sense.

Blame the world, but you kicked your own chair.

Sweet disposition.

I know you'd rather hear it from me than a key board and a screen.

You really are a good teacher.
You teach me to love someone,
to trust and believe in us,
to be myself because it's the mask that creates the flaws,
to understand and listen,
to be a big girl and be the bigger person,
to take punches instead of throwing them on someone else,
and when the shit hits the fan to clean it up and buy a new fan.

I love you. For being here. No matter what.

You once told me, you could have a full course dinner,
but you'd rather lay it all down and risk your hand for a favorite treat.

You deserve better, and I'll be better.
I deserve better, and I'll be better.

When you showed me who I was, I didn't want to become someone else.
I wanted to be myself for once.

You warm my heart, and you know that's where all my imperfections are.
You're slipping through the cracks in my concrete, loosening and opening key holes covered in cobwebs.

It was a lonely place to live until you made my heart a home.

Thankyou. For everything.

Real eyes.

Just because I have secrets, doesn't make me a liar.

Changling.

This wasn't meant for you.
This wasn't meant for anybody, really.
I'm not trying to be romantic or cynical or clever.
I may have started writing this for you,


but way down there at the very bottom of everything
I'm just trying to be the person I want to be.

Proving wrong right.

I guess it's not my mind I miss.

It's the hole inside my chest that's getting to me.

But it's not so bad considering I don't have to think about it.

Love & war.

It takes two to tango.

And this dance will outlive me.

Hate is accurate.

But

I'll only hate what this has become.

With more than a passion,

with more fury than a thousand burning suns.

Tell me now how you expect this to be fair.

All I've had enough of, is you.

You showed me what I wanted.
And then what I hated.

You were the mistake that made me want to change.
I was brought here a tin man, and I will leave a lion.

Mornings.

Never find yourself.

Never read a map.

Never listen to anyone but your heart.

I don't miss my mind, maybe.

Dancing like bullets.

Your jealous mind has ruined my small heart. So congrats, for making all that is sad relevant. Your suspicion killed what we are when all I wanted to do was bury what we were.

Kicking the heart out.

When you love someone and you hold your tongue, all you get is a mouthfull of blood.

And happily ever after takes a lifetime.

Hope is a fickle mistress.

You know, I could wish upon a star a thousand times before I realize that it's already fallen by the time I see it.

Love is not a victory march.

I'm playing twenty questions with myself.

I'm getting high off your scent wrapped around me inside the sweater I borrowed. You'll get it back eventually. My weary mind has found rest at last. This is how the morning after should be.

The frogs are singing.

I'd never admit it.

In every crack is a secret.

The best part of believe is the lie.

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

Skeleton.

I'll orchestrate your body to notes you didn't know you could hit.

I'll send earthquakes and tidal waves across your skin.

You melt my heart and build it up again, everytime I look at you.

Inside your lungs.

So this is what it feels like to be fully engulfed in flames.

This is friendship on fire.

It's more than just a cigarette we share.

Cats & dogs

I'm going home soon in the pouring rain. It's worth the mess we made in your bed and the medicine I forgot to take. It's worth waking up slowly to your sleeping face. I'm in endless fascination. I wish my thoughts were more organized. You rescramble them everytime you touch me.

Laundry day.

I was going to ask you to marry me.

I hope you answer, weather or not it's a yes.

So I can at least live with the answer instead of dying with the question.

/

Even though you don't believe you have a soul,
I know it's there. I can feel it.

Things you know.

Are you only aware of how badly I fucked up?
Are you only aware of how much I've hurt you?
Are you only aware of how much I've meant to you?
Are you only aware of the blood on your skin?
Are you only aware of the blood on my hands?

Or would you believe me when I tell you I'm sorry beyond belief. (And I'm trying.)
It was cold the nights I snuck into your room to pour salt in your wounds.
I will never forget the day you told me you loved me less,
and I will try harder to forgive the marks I've left on you.

I believe our filthy hands can wash one another's,
and not one speck will remain.

New beginnings.

Paint me inside your pictures.
Write my name in your notebook.
Keep me a secret inside the concrete of the walls surrounding your heart.
Call me a wishful thinker.